SCHEDULER: Can you spell your last name, please?

ME: A like Alpha – S like Sierra – T like Tango – U – R – I – A like Alpha – S like Sierra.

SCHEDULER: [pause] I don’t have you in the system. Can you spell that again please?

ME: A like Alpha – S like Sierra – T like Tango – U – R – I – A like Alpha – S like Sierra.

SCHEDULER: [pause] No, sorry, I still can’t find you. One more time please?

ME: [stifling a sigh] A like Alpha – S like Sierra – T like Tango – U – R – I – A like Alpha – S like Sierra.

SCHEDULER: [exasperated] Are you spelling E like Elfa?

ME: [stifling a scream] No. A like Alpha. A – L – P – H- A.

SCHEDULER: Oh! Okay, sorry, got it. Can you spell that one more time please?

Kill me now.